Pranks and Spades
by alonesearcher
Summary: John isn't sure how to move from a black quadrant into a red one, but he hopes he can figure it out before Karkat just straight up kills him.


Pranks in Spades

Summary: John isn't sure how to move from a black quadrant into a red one, but he hopes he can figure it out before Karkat just straight up kills him.

John was willing to admit he didn't know much about the troll's culture. Alternia sounded just terrible really. All the random killings and accepted homicidal tendencies kind of freaked him out. The quadrants were a foreign concept as well. He didn't understand them, but that didn't stop him from finding himself apparently allotted in one.

Karkat hated him. Not the kind of hate you have for any obnoxious douche, but the kind of hate that has you wanting to make out with people… apparently. However John had found himself here, he didn't know how to get out of it.

Being trapped together didn't help. It had been weeks since the dream bubbles had sent Jade and John to the asteroid, and there were no signs of them returning anytime soon. John had been staying in Dave's room, and had nothing to do really but exercise his prankster's gambit. This naturally pissed off Karkat to no end. If Karkat's reactions weren't so priceless he probably wouldn't do it so much, but he just got _so_ mad every single time. It was funny!

John wasn't sure which prank he'd performed that had Karkat so enraged this time. Replacing his toothpaste with slime from Gamzee's pies? The horns he'd laid out by his recuperacoon maybe? Or wait, no, it must have been when he put that piece of paper on his back telling everyone to kick him. Anyone of those things could be the reason for the furious troll marching down the hall at him. Time to escape! He subtly did a one eighty, pretending he didn't see Karkat as he darted back down the hall. Karkat let loose a growl. "God damn it Egbert I swear to your jegus that I am going to fucking kill you! Stop running!"

John turned around, scratching his head. "Oh, hi Karkat! I didn't see you stomping down the hall there."

Karkat reached for him but John darted back, heart racing. "Wait, what's wrong? How do you know it was me? Anybody could have put those horns there. Dave has been really bored lately and you know, I think Kanaya might be more mischievous then she lets on."

Karkat shoved John back into the wall with one hand, the other pointing at him. "You fucking moron I don't give a shit about your petty pranks! I care so very little about anything you've ever done you don't even fucking know! I care more about Strider's useless rapping and your stupid human movies than about a single thought that's every meandered through your empty think pan!"

John laughed nervously. "Yeah, well then I'll just go think my empty thoughts over there."

"That doesn't mean I'm not still interested in killing you," Karkat pointed out.

"Oh," John bit his lip. "Well how about instead of that we go eat?"

"How about I smash your fucking face in?"

"It was just a joke Karkat, lighten up," John went to move Karkat's hand away, only to have Karkat move in closer. His heart pounded against his ribs as Karkat blocked him with his body. He wondered fearfully if Karkat could hear his heart's rapidly increasing rhythm.

Karkat's growl was low and feral as he placed hands on either side of John's head. "Why do you go out of your fucking why to piss me off so much you worthless nooksniffer?"

John avoided eye contact. "Um… boredom?"

"God fucking damn it you fucktard," Karkat nearly spit in his face. "I've got to be trapped on this forsaken rock with you and your infuriating friends and every time I fucking _move_ I get a balloon of water in my face or a…" Karkat flushed. "A bucket dropped on my head of rocks or slime."

"That was a temporary lapse in judgment," John's voice was low, feeling weird talking at a regular volume. He wondered if Karkat would jump him if he tried to move. "I thought Jade was going to come first to Rose's lab and I didn't think you would just push her out of the way."

"Stop playing pranks on me!"

"Okay," John inched a little as Karkat glared. "I will not pull anymore pranks on you, especially not pranks with buckets. Are you happy now?"

"No," Karkat pulled back. "I'm not." John went to dash off but Karkat caught his wrists, pulling him back. "Wait!"

John froze as Karkat tangled his hand in John's hair, pulling him in close for a kiss. John's body shivered as Karkat angrily moved his lips against his. Teeth scraped his skin as Karkat's body pressed into his, breathing in sharply. John had found himself like this with Karkat a number of times already. At first he hadn't known what to do. Somehow he'd fallen into the kismesis role without knowing how. The more he antagonized Karkat the more Karkat gave him this kind of attention. Not that he was doing this on purpose. Karkat's hands had moved to his back, digging into his skin through his shirt. John breathed shallowly as Karkat kissed him harder, massaging his lips like he was hungry.

John held very still as Karkat pulled back, eyes clouded as they often were after he'd snap. He shoved John back, angry and flustered. "Just knock it the fuck off!"

"I already said I would," John muttered.

"Fuck!" Karkat yelled, turning on his heel and storming off down the hall. "Just FUCK YOU John Egbert!"

John watched him go, sliding to the ground. He was just going to stay here until his heart beat returned to normal, yup, that sounded pretty good right now.

It seemed like he was still stuck in the black quadrant. He had no idea how to transition into a different quadrant with Karkat, or if it was even possible. He wasn't sure yet which quadrant he wanted into, or how a flushed quadrant would make him feel, but he did know that he felt something for Karkat that was more than friends. The making out was enjoyable, though at the same time terrifying. John speculated hazily if he was a bit masochistic. Any day now Karkat really was going to snap and kill him.

What other pranks should he start playing on him?

A knock on the door woke John from his nap. There was no way to tell the time unless you asked Dave, and getting the exact /hour/minute/second was weird so they just slept when they were tired. Dave was scribbling furiously in his notepad so John walked groggily to the door, unsurprised to find Karkat looked ticked. John yawned. "I didn't do it this time Karkat, for real, I've been busy today."

Karkat nailed him with his best 'fuck off and die' stare. "No you idiot, as much fun as it is to hunt you down just to scream unsuccessfully at you while you stare stupidly back and continue to repeat the action that I tell you clearly to stop fucking doing I am not in fact here for that reason."

"Oh," John glanced back at Dave. "What did you do?"

Dave didn't bother looking up, just flipped him off.

Karkat shifted his feet uncomfortably. "I'm not here for your stupid fucking friend either."

John raised his eyebrows, squinting at him. Without his glasses he had a hard time reading Karkat's mood. "So why are you here, if not to yell at one of us?"

The twitchy troll glanced behind him. "It's just, there was honking. Not that I give a fucking shit. Also there are fifty thousand god damn horns on my fucking floor. There's that."

John glanced back at Dave, who was smirking evilly. John shrugged. "Well you can stay in here if you want."

Karkat glanced behind him exasperated, and then walked inside. John closed the door and walked back to the bed and crawled in, letting Karkat amuse himself with a book while he went back to bed.

He woke up again sometime later, looking up at the room. It was empty so he figured Dave had chased Karkat out. He rolled over, startled to find the troll was actually in the bed. Karkat was ignoring him though, flipping through the book as he sat cross legged and leaning against the wall. John quickly closed his eyes, burrowing under the covers. That was startling.

After a minute of not falling back asleep John peeked out again. Karkat was glowering at him, noticeably irritated. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Sleeping?" John muttered through the blankets.

Karkat snorted, going back to his book. John knew it was one Dave had borrowed from Rose and Kanaya's library, but he had no clue what it was about. He wondered if Karkat did. Karkat flipped the page. "Go back to sleep."

"Karkat," John pulled the covers over his head. "Is it possible to switch quadrants?"

There was a moment of silence, during which John refused to come out. Karkat made a rude noise. "Of course you can change quadrants idiot."

"Can you quit them altogether? Like go from a quadrant to no quadrants?"

Karkat jerked the covers off him, surprising John. "What the fuck does that mean?"

John went to sit up but Karkat placed a restraining hand on his chest, nails digging in. He held the book in his other hand halfway aloft, like he wasn't sure whether or not to set it aside or beat John's face with it. John gulped. "I was just curious?"

Karkat scowled, his eyes were dark with anger. "Well don't be!"

"Well I'm kind of in a quadrant right?" John snapped back. "Shouldn't I know what that means or whatever?"

"Kind of?"

"Well you know," John tried to shove Karkat's hand aside, but Karkat held it firmly in place. "I mean, I am I guess."

Karkat's eyes narrowed.

"I was just…" John really wanted to sit up. "God, will you let me up!"

"You were just what?"

"I just wanted to know how to switch!" John pushed at the arm. "It's not like I want you to hate me forever."

Karkat blinked, frowning. "What are you blabbering on about?"

"Nothing," John said quickly.

"What the fuck?" Karkat looked at him like he sprouted another head. He shifted so he was leaning down close to John's face. John's heart beat faster at his closeness, this time he was sure Karkat could feel it with his hand right on top of it. Karkat kissed him again, causing his heart to pound sporadically. Karkat was grinning mischievously into his lips, obviously enjoying John's reaction.

John shoved him away, annoyed, and managing to unbalance Karkat so he could sit up. "Stop messing with me!"

Karkat gave him an insolent look. "I'm not messing with you, you fucking idiot. And don't shove me!"

"Whatever Karkat," John went to crawl off the bed, angry but not surprised when Karkat grabbed him again. "Let go. You can't just grab people."

Karkat jerked him back where he was, shifting so he was sitting on John. "What the fucking hell? You're the one who keeps antagonizing me you asshole!"

John looked away at that. "Well… no, I just…"

Karkat was kissing him again, his lips searching John's mouth warmly. John froze, uncertain as Karkat's tongue traced his lips. What was this? Karkat hadn't kissed him like this before. There was always more heat behind it, a quick roughness. This time there was a gentle searching, a curiosity that he hadn't shown before. John felt his body heat as Karkat cupped his neck, pulling him into it. John grabbed Karkat's arms, holding on tightly as Karkat deepened the kiss. Karkat pulled back slowly, breathing heavy. John was breathy shallow quick breathes, trying to move as little as possible.

"There, now the fucking quadrant changed. Happy?"

John nodded.

"Fucking asshole."

John smiled. "Yeah."


End file.
